


Career Counseling in Three Easy Steps

by misura



Category: GetBackers
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-09-03
Packaged: 2018-01-13 04:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1213348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Ginji called it 'Operation: Find Akabane-san a New Job, So That He Will Become Less Scary and No Longer Think Killing People Is Fun'.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Career Counseling in Three Easy Steps

Ginji called it 'Operation: Find Akabane-san a New Job, So That He Will Become Less Scary and No Longer Think Killing People Is Fun'.

Ban called it 'A Really Stupid Idea, No, Really, Ginji, What Are You Even Thinking?'.

(Himiko, when she heard about it through the grapevine, didn't call it anything. She did laugh a lot, though.)

 

_step one: get Akabane-san to agree_

Tracking down Akabane had never been much of a problem. In fact, Ginji might even say that part of their problems with Akabane had always been that they never seemed able _not_ to find him.

("Don't use double negatives like that," Ban said. "It sounds stupid.")

("You know what I mean," Ginji said.)

Of course, once found, they'd still actually need to convince Akabane to play along.

"Maybe if we - " Ginji said.

"No," Ban said.

"Or we could - "

"No."

"But Ban-chan!"

"I guess we could challenge him to a fight," Ban said.

"You could use your Evil Eye on him," Ginji said. "That would totally work."

"I'd beat him up a bit first, but once I had him at my mercy, I'd give him a choice between agreeing to your (completely idiotic and crazy) plan or getting his neck snapped."

"Then nobody would get hurt."

"I'm sure he'll do the smart, sensible thing. I mean, sure, the guy's a nutcase, but ... hm. "

"And we could get something nice to eat, after! Like ice cream!"

"Forget it," Ban said. "It'll never work."

"But I really like ice cream," Ginji said.

"Then perhaps you will let me treat you, Ginji-kun?" Akabane said. "I do believe there is a parlor right over there. I have been told it is quite good."

 

"Akabane-san is really scary," Ginji said, and then, because the person in question was, after all, in the process of patiently waiting in a fairly long queue to order the three of them some ice cream: "Even if he can be nice, too. And he's actually got money."

"We could have money, too," Ban said. Akabane looked like he'd be busy for at least another ten minutes, so now seemed a good time to get some things straight. "We're just pickier about who we work for, that's all."

"Yeah, but - "

"We've got pride. We're the GetBackers. We've got an (almost) 100% success rate. What's _he_ got, huh?"

"I didn't know which taste you wanted, so I got you banana," Akabane said. "Here you go, Ginji-kun. Three scoops of everything, just as you asked."

"Thank you, Akabane-san."

"Do I look like that damn monkey boy to you?" Ban grumbled. "And what happened to that queue?"

Akabane smiled and sat down. "They very kindly let me go first."

"I think Shido-kun prefers strawberry," Ginji said. "So what did _you_ get, Akabane-san?"

"Vanilla." Three elegant spoons materialized in Akabane's right hand. "Spoon?"

"Could I - " Ginji started, then swallowed. "Um. Sure. If that's really all right with you, Akabane-san."

"I've been practicing creating things other than scalpels recently." Akabane smiled. "It's always good to expand one's horizons, don't you think?"

"Um," Ginji said. Ban kicked him under the table. "Ow."

"Something the matter?"

"Just Ban-chan kicking me."

Akabane chuckled softly. "Of course. You two are such good friends."

"Speaking of expanding one's horizons ... " Ban said, giving Ginji a Significant Look.

"I don't think I've ever had quite this many tastes of ice cream before," Ginji told Akabane.

"I'm glad you are enjoying yourself, Ginji-kun."

Ban cleared his throat. "As I was saying: speaking of expanding one's horizons ... "

"Oh," Ginji said. "Right. Would you be interested in a job, Akabane-san?"

"But of course," Akabane said. "How kind of you to ask me, Ginji-kun."

 

_step one, revised: get Akabane-san to agree properly_

"Well, if _you_ 're going to be there, Ginji-kun, I'm sure I won't be _too_ bored. And your friend, too, of course."

"Er," Ginji said.

"I've got a name, you know," Ban said.

"Of course. Mido Ban." Akabane politely inclined his head. "So what shall we be doing?"

"Um," Ginji said.

 

_step two: find a job_

"I didn't know you were really a doctor, Akabane-san."

"That nurse's uniform looks quite fetching on you, Ginji-kun."

"Um. Thanks." ("Ban-chan, a little help here?")

"Forget this, I wasn't cut out to be a friggin' _cleaning lady_. I quit!" ("What'd you need any help for? _You_ 're not the one with a mop!")

("Ban-chan!")

("I hope the two of you will be very happy together.")

("Ban-chaaaan!")

 

_step two, revised: find a job Ban-chan likes, too_

"I'm bored."

"Do you really think it was okay for you to use the Evil Eye like that to make them hire us, Ban-chan? I mean, none of us knows a thing about ... um. What was it again?"

"Who cares?"

"And all of these computers look really complicated. Hey, maybe I should ask Makubex to give us a few pointers. He probably knows all about this stuff."

"Or you could ask me. I'd be happy to help, Ginji-kun."

"Y-you know about stuff like this, Akabane-san?"

"It's really not so very complicated at all."

"You must be super smart."

"Perhaps your friend needs a little help as well?"

"I quit."

 

 _step two, revised again: find a job Ban-chan_ really _likes, too_

"Give me one good reason why I'd hire you," Paul said.

"My, what a lot of vegetables you have left to chop here," Akabane told Natsume, who glanced at Ginji, who was staring at Ban, who was giving Paul his best puppy eyes.

They weren't very good puppy eyes, Ginji thought privately. When things didn't go his way, Ban tended to get annoyed and prickly and very un-puppy-like. And Ban was too cool to really beg, anyway.

"If we never get a job, we'll never be able to pay off your tab."

"Last time I let you clowns wash the dishes, you broke about one in four," Paul said.

("Do you mind if I ... ?" Akabane asked.)

"So don't let us do dishes," Ban countered. "That job's for losers, anyway."

"Um, Ban-chan?"

"Your point being?"

"Well, I guess it's all right for Ginji," Ban said. "But the great Mido Ban was meant for greater things than washing dishes."

"Um, Ban-chan?"

("Oh my," Natsume said.)

"Like what?" Paul asked.

"Um, Ban-chan? I really think you should - "

"What?" Ban turned around.

" - turn around now."

"Now," Paul said, "you show me you can do something like what that guy's doing, and we'll talk again. Hey, mister, you looking for a job?"

"It just so happens that I am," Akabane said, flicking a tiny piece of carrot off a kitchen knife.

"But only if you hire Ginji and me here, too," Ban said quickly. "We're a package deal."

"You break even one single dish and you're fired," Paul said.

 

_step three: success!_

"I can't believe that bastard Akabane accepted a job offer at that fancy sushi place without us."

"But that's good, right?" Ginji said. "I mean, now he's not out there killing people."

"And we're broke. Again."

"Well, yeah. But we're always broke."

"He's probably stuffing himself every night. Top quality, too, probably."

"And fair's fair: we did break a lot of dishes."

"Guy just pisses me off."

"I'm kind of hungry."

"Would you like some sushi, Ginji-kun?"

"A-Akabane-san?"

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Well," Akabane said. "It turned out my ... employers had not been entirely honest about the true nature of their enterprise. But do try the sushi, Ginji-kun. I prepared it myself, so I can vouch for its quality."

"Um," Ginji said.

"Don't mind if I do," Ban said.

"Hey! That's _my_ sushi, Ban-chan! You could at least share!"

"Mph. Thish ish great shtuff."

"In truth, I _was_ thinking mostly of Ginji-kun when I cut these," Akabane said. "But then, you crossed my mind a few times as well."

"So what happened, anyway? Did you get fired, Akabane-san?"

"Let us say a slight ... difference of opinion occurred," Akabane said.

"Hey," Ban said. "I think you spilled some sauce or something. That red stuff over there. Looks like - "

"I fear they did not pose much of a challenge," Akabane said. "Still, it was fun for a while. Thank you for suggesting this, Ginji-kun. I am in your debt."

"Er," Ginji said.

"Until we meet again, then, GetBackers. I hope it will not be too long. Tee hee."

 

_step three, revised: failure!_

"It was really tasty sushi, Ban-chan."

"Yeah. That stuff we usually get out of some trashcan isn't going to taste half as good now. Bastard."


End file.
